Life and Love Devoured


I'm usually not one to dispense relationship advice because after all, I'm not in it. That being said, I've learned enough after a few run ins with Destiny (sometimes she's just a total Crossfit bitch that knocks you on your ass and throws stale doughnuts at you because she knows you're going to eat the ones that are now littering the floor around you), that I feel like I share some insight into life, not just relationships. I am all about listening and when what you hear is good enough, you spread that shit around like germs at a preschool. Here's Rachel's Rules to Rocking At Relationships:

You're the only person you're going to HAVE to spend every day with for the rest of your life.Make liking yourself a priority and do whatever it takes to make you proud of yourself and happy about the choices you've made and the life you live. Make your life so cool that you're so obsessed, you stalk your own fb profile. Oh yea, Rachel, you went to Paris with your awesome hubby and got a frenchie?! No fugging way! Yes way, self!.


Don't depend on others for things you can get for yourself.


Know when to ask for help. Know that help doesn't mean doing it for you or making your life easier. The right help teaches so you never have to ask for it again for the same thing.


If you're with somebody that literally NOBODY else likes, you might want to think about why-they likely are a complete and utter as*hole and everybody sees that, but you because you're too busy feeding off their line of bullshit, you're like no way, he's awesome, he lovessssss me. No, he's an ass. You're better than that. Find somebody that is AWESOME and at least one of your friends, or at least your dog, likes. The person that's currently so fabulous that they're ruining all your other relationships ain't worth it, sweetheart. I don't even care if he looks like Liam Hemsworth. BUH-BYE, suckah.


Marriage is not just about being in loveeee and the wedding, and the flowers, and thinking of yourself as one of the old people in Up that they're so in love and cute it kills 1/3 of your soul when you watch that horrific devil movie. Marriage is about finding a life partner. So follow the advice below but realize that person is going to be the mother/father of your kids. Whatever issues they have will likely be ones your kids have. Will you be able to handle those and will your partner have your back? They are going to control your credit, can they be trusted to pay your/their bills and make responsible life choices? If you were broke as a joke, could you give up everything and live in a ghetto ass apartment in a bad section of town living on Ramen if need be and not blame the other person for whatever you BOTH got yourselves into? Think about it and THEN say yes if you can handle all the crazy and bullshit life is going to toss at you. (Life is Destiny's best friend. She's a little less scary because let's face it, you can't outrun Destiny. Life's a little less jacked and Crossfit-y, she's been slacking on her weight and been doing too many burpees).


All of the aforementioned REAL real advice is pretty serious. Life is serious. But marriage can also be absolutely awesome. Two days ago was my 1 year anniversary. I found this quote about marriage and I can guarantee you, that this is some of the best advice I've ever read. I married my best friend. He drives me absolutely bat shit crazy sometimes and I have wanted to just go around our new house with a baseball bat smashing through walls and sit in a corner rocking back and forth like the lunatic from The Ring, BUT he's also the only person that I want to go on every adventure with.

I want him to be the first to hear about anything cool that I've learned. He's the first person I go to when shit hits the fan. He's the best Frenchie daddy I could ask for. He's 100% the funniest person I've ever met. I love that he has this weird hidden inner redneck and that he knows almost every country song ever written but only breaks it out on super long road trips when all we can get is HICKradio.9. I love that he justified that we should get our nephew a particular toy truck, not because his dad's a firefighter but because this particular one had a "lift kit." I don't even know what a lift kit is but I know it's redneck and it has to do with making it look more redneck.
I love that he thinks snakes will suck his soul. I love that when I was crying in the Louvre because I was sick of getting lost and looking at the same 12 sculptures and just wanted to "SEE ALL THE FAMOUS SHIT!" that he could laugh it off, get me up, and get me to the "famous shit" before getting me back to the hotel and finding the only Dominos in Paris that would deliver pizza to our hotel room. I love that when he falls asleep and wakes up before all the lights are off, he smiles and mumbles "milk" because he's not so secretly a 900 year old man and loves milk before bed. I love that he embraces my psychotic love of Halloween and wears his matching skeleton shirt with me and watches Halloween movies, marathon status, starting in August.


I love that he goes antiquing with me and that we're both stage 12 hoarders. I love that we eat Pizza Hut for special occasions and that's the only time we eat it. I love that he's my sous chef. I love that he acts like Tom Hanks in Castaway every time he lights up the Big Green Egg ("I've created FIRE!"). I love that I'm his Wilson. This one's for you, Pooks. Thanks for sticking it out with my crazy ass, next year will be even better.
Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.
- N’tima 



1 comment

  1. The top picture of you is just BEAUTIFUL and absolutely captures your personality and spirit. I love it! I'm so happy that you and Pooks have had such a blissful first year of marriage. You guys definitely make it look easy and fun!
    Alison xo

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